If only I had said... I was surprised to receive...

If only I had said……. Something, instead of just standing there. Stunned.


I trudged through the snowy forest with her on my back, she had gone missing somewhere, so I and my classmates split up to find her, alongside the search and rescue team.


I discovered her, half-buried in the snow with a nasty bash wound to her head, she was breathing but not conscious. But out of the blue, she started to talk.


“Forgive me. you know, Jack…” That wasn’t my name, she’s confused me for my classmate, who also happened to be our school’s patron saint of broken hearts. “You’re not doing a good job at this whole patron saint of broken hearts stuff, are you…?” It was like her to point out things like this, not in a scolding way, but comically, but I was too busy to respond, she was a little hefty, but I persisted.


“My wishes haven’t come true… Please erase these feelings… make me strong.” She mumbled in a pleading fashion, seemingly coming in and out of consciousness as I piggy-backed her up the slope.


“I can’t stop myself… from loving…Ken…”


I froze, I heard her clearly, my name came out of her lips. I stopped, and felt my heart flutter… We are… were good friends, right? We hung out often enough at my place, usually with Jack and a handful of others too. But from what I could tell she had feelings for Jack, not me, what changed?


I was surprised to receive an indirect confession, but I couldn’t tell her. I’ll go along with what she thinks is happening – that Jack is carrying her, and wordlessly, I began to trudge up the hill again, and eventually brought her back to the safety of the lodge and she was taken to hospital.


I told Jack about what happened. I couldn’t deal with this… I don’t know what I want. I had an unearthly amount of thinking to do, do I feel the same? I couldn’t tell, but that’s if she survives that fall she had… I asked Jack to say he was the one who found her, not me. I wasn’t supposed to hear what I heard, he agreed. This is for the best, right? I just hope she’ll still be around by the time she decides to tell me directly, and perhaps by then, I’ll have an answer worth hearing….

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